??

???

Can someone explain to me how did I get into this school?

Cause its fucking hard
And I'm ever drowning.....

A night

Terminology of illusion

So I watched 2 documentaries "bowling for Columbine" and "Untold stories of Columbine", I think you should know where this is going...

But no. I thought I was going to watch something about shooting and stuff but instead it answered a burning question and uncomfort ever since I stepped foot here. Now I really think I'm in the wrong place, why didn't I choose to go to Canada like where my dad wanted me to go?

Things happen for a reason. Why is there so much hype about the American culture? Why do many think that they are cool? And when I came here, nothing is like what I perceived, in act its the total opposite. I know I said I am blessed to be here and I still am and that my time here had a purpose and I see that now.

I see many good people, nice people just like everywhere else in the world. It's the exact same thing. Only difference is that it's an individualistic country aside from SE's community based country and how much fear has been instilled in this people and how corrupted the politicians and people with higher authority are tht led to people turning on to each other and the fear created into each other. One most amazing thing in 1 of the doc. is that he was in Canada and he opened every home he passed by and all of it was unlocked! And they have only like 68 cases of gun shooting in 1 particular year as compared to 11000 over in the US.

But my main concern isn't this but more like the segregation I see in people, the openness to people are really limited and why I feel so boxed in, caged up and why they never understood me. Wow. I think I'm bored out of my mind to blog something like this. It is the truth though, just keep it as a fun fact for those of you who don't understand my rantings.

In Him I need His Strength!

2012

2012



This year's New Year wish is to meet one out of all of you that is different HAHAHHAA..... (:

What does it mean?

Obsession?


Do I have an obsession with death? Am I going to meet that anytime soon? I've been viewing videos by chance on it and incidently the whole of my facebook feeds are filled with it...

Wow, the urgency to live my life to its fullest has become more prominent.
Love the people around you more,
Hate and complain less.
Embrace the troubles coming in your way for the light of dawn shines through it the next day (:

Have a great day everyone and sending my love back to SG!

December 5th

December 5th 2011

You are the date I don't think I'll forget. Dad said 2:30pm was the time, at the same time it was 4th of December 10:30pm in California.

You use to pick me up from school.
Wait at the door of the bathroom and wait for me to shower after watching ghost shows the night before.
You sneak me money to buy the treats I want.
You gave me money when I overspend.
You cook my favorite foods.
You got warded in Hong Kong,
You got me scared to death that I would face death almost 10 years ago.

You flew back with special equipment to Singapore got better,
You gave me a second chance to love you all over again,
You told me my mom stole your money.
You ate chocolates and spat out the almonds,
You made me think I sleep walked and did that.
You refused to see a neurologist.

We lied, saying that we were going for a checkup.
We told you the truth,
You couldn't accept the fact,
You thought yourself as a burden,
You became really naughty.
We looked after you, especially mummy.
She tolerated all the naughty things you did.
But thanks for allowing us to love you again (:
Thanks for accepting the Lord and now...
He looks after you.
You're in a better place.

I just feel so far,
I've missed all the important events happening at home.
You know that things of this world,
this paper I'm pursuing, nothing is as important as these love I know from my family.
No quarrels big enough to keep me distant from these people I love.
I really really really want to see you for one last time...

Do you believe in premonitions?
Cause I just had one around the same time she passed on,
I even said a prayer "God please take care of her"
Its kinda scary and that scared me the most when i received a text 6 hrs later in the wee morning!

Old

Old people eat porridge everyday (check)
Old people are really antisocial (check)
Old people are really boring (check)

Am I feeling old or are these kids way too young?
Irresponsible drinkers, lame-ass jokes?
I am over all these mess and feeling like I don't fit in, or maybe I don't wanna fit in...

WOW... Gd night kiddos, this old lady is peacing out...

New life

UCSD

So you probably heard I'm now in Southern California.
I'm really sorry for the lack of updates but its been KRAZY, check out fb for more updates.
So before I crash and pass out need to tell you an incident.

So I went to the school gym to run on the threadmill as usual my suitmates left me coz i got lucky i got a machine and they didn't.
So i did my thing ran, my fingers were itchy, i was sick of the song playing on my BB and decided to switch to "fat burner" instead of "quick start" and i thought "heeeh, it'll switch back by itself and i left it" 10 mins into running at speed 5.5 i was feeling the sensation where i was going to fall backwards and hit the ground, i was like no way, i was only 15 mins on this machine although i did like another 20 mins on the elliptical machine but I'm not sick and I did 30 mins yesterday so wads wrong??? I decided to continue on despite my neighbor staring at me, looking at me like as if i know you're about to die!

Then i decided, you know what I would really fall back and die, my life's too precious i decided to down it to 4.4 and I was still panting like a dog and that sensation was still there. I know i know I did think about the incline but i didn't press it at all and decided I should run another 2 mins and see how it goes. I was about to pass out at this point, tried pushing everything down to 1. I hit the incline and guess where the number was at??? I was running on incline at "8" for a good 10 mins... OMGies, not to mention I walk to class everyday, thats a good 30 mins to and fro.

Weather here sucks, I'm right next to the beach, so we get sea breeze, its usually very windy, its cold yet windy and hot and a little humid, u get so confused what to wear everyday. LOVE MY HOUSEMATES/ROOMATES/SUITEMATES and my NEIGHBORS, we're tight. Hang out party/study everyday.

But don't get me wrong, UCSD IS SOOOOO OVERWHELMING. Its sooo huge, I've only 10 weeks per quarter, snap your fingers and its gone. I'm the only crazy 1st yr transfer to take 4 classes in my grp of friends and I'm not even kidding i'm drowning and I wanna take a minor too... XIE XIE NI everybody, I'm gonna be a nerd.

So anyways before school started, when no one moved in yet, for a week i was barely sober, that was such a weird feeling, you know how much I hate alcohol and I added 35 friends in 2 days. Sick or what?! there's more to come, just wait up for more news, drop some msges and let me know what you guys are up too. Oh by the way, my sister is pregnant and I'm gonna be an aunt soon. And heads up don't expect me back for summer but mayb i wanna go back when my sister gives birth, but it wld be a really short trip! ADIOS AMIGOS MUACKS LOVE YOU MUCHOS.

The world waits for no one

The world waits for no one

White hair, wrinkly skin, the dressing, the changes in character.
I've seen how I've aged, I've seen how others have aged.
It scares me, it scares me that the time I spend away with family and friends means one less day I get to know them.
I've seen the changes, I accept them.

Also I've seen how people on buses and trains are very courteous to give up their seats.
But I've also heard people criticising others because of their disabilities/inabilities.
I've realised how conservative our society is and how people ostrasise people with disabilities and therefore not wanting to admit and improve/treat their special needs.
I've found out that there's one thing I want/need/God-forbide me to do is to help these people or create awareness.
I really think that since I was born, I either attract or tend to pick out people in need/more needy/lost than me to be my friends. I know I'm very capable of being in the in-crowd to be popular but time and time again I choose the friends I want.
And I choose to be people who are very real and are truely themselves.
You know they will be more troublesome, you know they may not return the favor but at least I know they will bring me true happiness.

The world really waits for no one.
I never wanna try and force anyone to be Christians but even in my religion.
I feel a strong sense of urgency. He is coming/ my time is up soon/ love and cherish people around me/ accept the challenges that is to come!

LOVE YOU YOU YOU AND YOU

A song that I was attracted too:

Lyrics in Spanish:
Yo he visto el dolor acercarse a mí
Causarme heridas, golpearme así
Y hasta llegue a preguntarme, donde estabas tu.
He hecho preguntas en mi aflicción
Buscando respuestas sin contestación
Y hasta dude por instantes, de tu compasión.
Y aprendí, que en la vida todo tiene un sentido,
Y descubrí que todo obra para bien.

Coro:
Y que al final será
Mucho mejor lo que vendrá
Es parte de un propósito
Y todo bien saldrá.
Siempre has estado aquí
Tu palabra no ha fallado
Y nunca me has dejado
Descansa mi confianza sobre ti.

Yo he estado entre la espada y la pared
Rodeada de insomnios sin saber que hacer,
Pidiendo a gritos, tu intervención.
A veces me hablaste de una vez
En otras tu silencio solo escuche
Que interesante, tu forma de responder

Y aprendí que lo que pasa bajo el cielo
Conoces Tú, que todo tiene una razón….

Coro

English lyrics:
I have seen the pain come to me
Causing injury, hit and
And so I wondered, where were you.
I asked questions in my affliction
Looking for answers unanswered
And even hesitate for a few moments of your compassion.

And I learned that everything in life has meaning
And I discovered that all things work together for good.

chorus:
And that will ultimately be
Much better things to come
It is part of a purpose
And all will go well.
You've always been here
Your word has not failed
And I never have left
My confidence rests on you.

I've been between a rock and a hard place
Surrounded by insomnia, not knowing what to do,
Crying, your intervention.
Sometimes I spoke once
In other just listen to your silence
How interesting, the way you respond

And I learned that what happens under the sky
You know, everything has a reason ....

chorus

To You and You and applicants

To You and You and applicants

A:
My only advise is don't let what people say affect you as a person.
We can't please everyone and don't loose yourself in the word's of others, cause you'll loose your freedom/creativity.
I just wanna let you know, i'm supportive in everything that you do, no matter whether "I" think its right/wrong/crazy/silly/awed/amazed/happy/excited/sad, because you are my loved one and whatever that makes you happy makes me happy. In fact, there's no need for explanation even to them, cause I would have known way before you tell me so.
I love you just the same before and during and after, forever and always and remember I only want the best for you!

B:
I can't tell you how much I miss you. You probably will never see this but I can't tell you how scared I am to just say I miss you, although I freely do so with my other friends.
I really hope that one day I'd be able to find out what you are thinking...
I actually deleted a message which I have no clue whether you received or not:
but all I really wanted to say was "I really miss that smile!"

Updated to B:
You know if you really mean it, u would risk it, u would want it. This shows how much that you're willing to throw into, I'm just saying. Alls swell (:

Realism

Realism

Holy smokes, how long has it been since i last wrote anything here?

So I feel really happy and blessed today I shall blog.
I just got to hear my dad's voice over the phone and he's the best dad, despite me not saying Happy Birthday nor Happy Father's Day and Happy Birthday to my awesome mom.

So this is something funny that happened:

Vanessa: Hi Auntie i'm going to US, is there anything you want me to pass to Daiyan?
Mom: Oh ya, I'll bring it to you next week.
(Passes to her an empty flatten box with words scribbled on the cover, "Please buy two of these for your neighbor, thanks love mom"

OH WOW!!! LOL but that cracked me up and my dear homies brought me pineapple tarts how SWEET! and we made a weekend trip to VEGAS BABY~

And so now i should be mugging my ass off, but i'm too happy, its like God's lil gift for me before my exams, letting me know its all good and he's taking care of me.
So I called up my bank coz dad wanted to know whether the Govt's check got deposited and outrageously the person told me a number I'll never have in my bank and where did it come from? Beats me but you know whatever it is it made my day.

My douggie Soph is graduating on the 29th July and I WILL BE THERE TO TAKE PICTURESSSSS!!! YES! and my TOBY LOVES are gonna spend a day together before everybody disappears and I'm happy for each and everyone of us and our decade long friendship! And my best friend, best cuzzie wuz Phuket 17-21st Aug with you and my eubeanie is going to b in town!!! And i've more to look forward this Dec!!! OMGOSH LOVE is all around~~~

God we are growing old!!!


So food for thought after my time spent in San Francisco before I head to SoCal to San Diego:
- you know I'll never be good enough for my very Asian Dad, tt saddens me, I'm always put down on the phone with him, I know you read this Dad but hey ya thats the truth but you know what on the flip side, if no one says anything how are you ever gonna improve?

- Stressed out lean on Him for a rest, for more peace.

- You know take things with a pinch of salt and a big stride of patience, all would be good and swell

- Treasure the time spent with people you love and care about and leave the D-bags out!

PEACEOUT LOVERS (:

Reality

Reality

Realism, reality, actual, legit, true, present, undeniable, undoubted, bona fide.
How do you explain how real everything can get?

Real time, is happening, i'm losing minutes as I type. Things are happening all around the world at different times of the day around the globe.
Feelings are real, actions are real, truth is real, you and I are real.

How much do you believe that you are losing each reality of each passing moment?
Treasure the time, treasure the essence and treasure the people you love!

*Nothing happened to me don't freak out, just a food for thought!

HOMESICK

HOMESICK

So who would have thought the ever having fun "daiyan" can one day feel homesick??!!
I woke up in the morning thinking of the banner that the loves of my life gave me.
Honestly I have not opened it since the first quarter I came here...
Not that I don't want to or do not like, but you know thats one piece of treasure that meant the world to me, you can rob me of my riches but I'd pay a grand to have that piece back...

Why am i feeling this way?
I did say that after 2 years in Foothill College, its been getting better and better but you know these friends are different from the family and the confidente(s) I have back home.
Eugenie is great, she's my daughter/sister/friend/roomate/companion/advisor/cook to me and thats my only other I have after 2 years here...

Why am I still feeling this way?
Men are disappointment in my life. There's no point elaborating further, I wish I could turn back time and came to America all over again, things would be different, would be better!

I look around me and feel and know that everything is different now...

Morning Shocker

Morning Shocker

Okay so I've no affiliations to Japan and I'm not trying to be a Christian freak...
But I would like to share this with you guys...
So there's this singer that I happen to chance upon on youtube and immediately I fell in love with his songs and coincidently its Christian songs that he sang. His name is Josh Wilson.
At the same time I was burderned to share with my caregroup about Him, because one of my friend's was going through a rough patch. That may/maynot have helped but it happened at the right time.

And fast forward, I've then always wanted to get his CD.
I hardly ever buy CDs these days, so I've no idea why I wanted his CD so bad.
And then after my dad sent me money and I felt a lil' richer I went on Amazon to check out how much it was. To my utter surprise it was a lil' less than 10 bucks, so obviously I had to have it.
So as and when I get tired of the usual, Nicki Minaj or Jeremiah or Jay Sean, I'd turn to my favourite CD.
Or esp when I'm alone in the car, I'd turn it to CD and there Josh Wilson would have 2 songs that make me think or get really upset!
- Do you want to know
or
- Right in front of me
I have very strong inklings that God is trying to speak to me yet again but I've never gotten what it is, or tried to figure what it is that makes me wanna put the music on reply.

So in "Do you want to know" the last paragraph goes like this:

But once you see a world that’s in need
And a sorrow you just can’t ignore
Your heart’s gonna break and you’ll lay awake
Cause you’ll know you could do so much more
Do you want to know?
Christian lyrics - DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? LYRICS - JOSH WILSON

There were many moments I have no reason to break down for and I did.

Fast forward yet again on Friday morning I woke to my BBM buzzing away and I looked at the phone. Modissa (Vanessa [my church friend's friend]) BBMed me asking if I was alright???!

I was immediately awoken, thinking I slept through an earthquake or something but she told me that an earthquake happened in Japan and I had to ask her, what has that got to do with me. And she broke the big news.
*NOTE: I don't have TV nor subscribe to newspaper so I hardly know what's going on!

Not until today that I realised God was trying to tell me something devastating was going to happen, or I've had that feeling since 1 or 2 month back. It's so uncomfortable to a point where I totally feel that God is coming almost soon already. The sense of urgency in my heart is soooo strong sometimes I think whether I'm kuku or something. But it made sense to me today!!!

You can take it however you want to my post and you have the rights to give me your opinion but this is my take and I'd say prepare for more to come, cause this unsettling feeling just keeps getting stronger and stronger!

Pray for Japan!
(Don't just say it, do it!!)

An update

Updates for LZH my loyal reader



Haha post for you,
for being a loyal reader, I thought nobody comes by anymore so I hardly update.



And when school starts this is my routine every single day:


M 8am school-home-work-school-home(slp)
T 8am school-home-school-home-work-home(slp)
W 8am school-home-work-school-home(slp)
T 8am school-home-school-home-work-home(slp)
F 9am school-Stanford (research assisting)-home-freetime-home(slp)
S Free time
S 11am church-home-homeworking(slp)

Every single week till school ends and finals come this is my schedule and yes its hella packed sooo tightly I don't even have time to see a doctor with my swollen tonsils :(


Love life? Zilch, I had enough of partying ever since my license got confiscated, all thanks to who whom and why? Mayb not appropriate to share online. So yes, I've met enough douchebags to last me a lifetime, i've met nice people too, but this country is so temporal, I decided against finding one yet again! Is it just me or is it the people i meet or there's other factors to consider? I don't know but i've no rush or hurry in this area and as usual i'm not frantic about it, so quit asking me, if there's one there's one, if there's none there isn't one.


And I'm happy to have closer-knit friends now and I've lesser stress, got my car a salvage title, applied to schools, reapplied for my ID and basically have nothing much to worry about. When there's no men, there's always good things! So thats basically most of what comes off my mind. I'll let you know when something exciting comes along the way.


Anyways Happy Luna New Year to all and I really do MISS SINGAPORE a great deal! I wish there wasn't school so i could get back! :( till nxt time ciao!

Happy New Year (:

New Year, New POST

Goodbye 2010, its been amazing, hello 2011 welcome and please be merciful on me!

2010, another year in the US,

Thru my eyes, there were a lot of shinnanigans,

both good and bad, emotions run high, stress piled up, homework goes up and the world just tumbling around.

How do you explain that in a post?

Well anywhos, everyone has their ups and downs and nonetheless me.

Definitely not a year that quietly went by, definitely made me feel that my past 21 years of life has just slipped by without me taking things into consideration.

I'm definitely changed.

I am reminded this year, the big 2011,

of this particular word "".

His amazing grace for us all and how we should bestow onto others this grace we all crave. People always ask me for a new year's resolution, and I always reply saying I've none. So i decided to pray this year for one and got it. Amazing grace!

In nature, most of us are spiteful towards our haters and lovers to our admirers, but I am going to put it upon myself to look at things on a broader perspective and embrace differences that I share with people around me and be more open to them!

What made me come to this conclusion? Or do I think I'm crazy?

Well as a matter of fact YES!
I've seen my fair share of people and made choices that sometimes I consider a mistake and end up losing good friends in exchange for bad ones and I know I'm not all that perfect and do deserve a second chance. I believe all of us deserve the 2nd chance.
I know there's boundaries and limits! I'm also happy to have a bunch of people looking out for me and vice versa.

Hopefully it would be a blessful year and his blessings showering on us all.

Loveyou guys!!XOXO

Here is me, after getting a hair cut almost going to sleep and wishing you guys a WARM HAPPY NEW YEAR in Eugenie's cupcake beanie signing off!!!