close of the chapter...

Hopefully this is my last post for this year, nxt on will be quite busy won't have much updates,
Anyway as hopeful as i am, i always check back for comments but nobody does and i just read my post over and over again, find it pointless...

Ironically as it sounds,
I'm gonna be pessimistic frm here on
though i'm usually obtimistic bout most things.

I'm bursting literally,
physically (many ppl said i've put on weight, i agree so)
and emotionally (let me rant for once, its not that i can't take it but recently i'm homebound so have no output for me [yes thank God right])

whats the point of always being obtimistic bout things?
I'm freaking tired now, tired of always seeing the good points,
you try and try and make it work and get it to work,
it does work at the end but it was a long and tiring journey.

Doesn't happen once, its gonna happen your whole life.
You cheer your people on together with you,
you have miscommunications,
you have friendship problems,
you have time management problems,
you have problems with grades,
you have a problem being a christian,
suddenly it all comes crashing down,
What and Why am i doing this for?
where's that focus and where's that source of energy??
Where has God gone too? (i think i use to sustain in Him but now i've lost him and also after Genting trip late nights and all has screwed up this bloody body clock of mine, can't wake up at 7am to get ready for church)

What am i to do now?
Will God bless this show even if He knows i haven't been communicating with Him?
(its like will your father forgive you even if he knows that you're just rebelling him for such a long time)

Its been really trying for me,
i don't know why but especially now!
when i hope that all of these will come to an end.

But a life is never a life without problems...
ar i'm just tired, lonely and stressed...
I'll probably delete this post after a while...
So not me...

Somehow it reminds me of Jamie's
"the more you slp, the more you get headaches, but the more headaches you get, you slp some more but then again you get even more headaches!"

but i believe after a while and naturally, it will all go away.

I need God right now...